I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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