Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
