have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think my moral compass just broke
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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