Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
