i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
