You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
