Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i dont even know how to be here
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
