my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
