Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
