Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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