C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize