If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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