Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
