It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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