Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize