So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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