i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
