Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
