No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
