Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm passing your future prison.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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