Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
