So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Couch. On fire.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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