dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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