Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
