he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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