finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
