How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
