3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
