I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
