Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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