Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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