That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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