i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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