The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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