I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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