Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
