We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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