so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
50% drunk capacity currently
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize