you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
