Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
