'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
it's like iHOP with fire
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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