Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Small penises have feelings too.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
