I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
