I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
