The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think a kid would responsible me up
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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