I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
