one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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