69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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