I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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