I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
