I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
