I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
and she was petting her beer can
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
