??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
be right there i have to get my cape
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
