Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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