I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Can I color on your dick again?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize