He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
