you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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