Why are handjobs necessary in class?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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