he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
