after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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