I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
