pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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