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I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
