You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize