Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
