I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
