his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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