Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
