Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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