so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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