I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
